I really don't want to write about bad dreams that expose uncomfortable emotions, especially anger. To be honest, anger disturbs me on a deep level. This blog is about vulnerable writing and making connections with others who struggle as I do. To that end, let me write, you read and we'll get along.
Anger and I have a long and difficult relationship. It keeps coming back and I keep shoving it away, burying it deeply so that only dreams expose baser feelings. The object of my anger usually doesn't make much sense. You know how dreams are. Real people morph into monsters or silly cartoonist clowns and animals just when you are trying to get serious with them.
In the early hours, I wake struggling for breath as if my anger is suffocating me. My jaw hurts from being clenched and my head sometimes pound from the tension of living out in my dreams what I would like to say and do in reality. Guess I am too nice of a person after all...if only.
They also expose my fear of men who abuse and dominate or ignore me. The man in my dream was a friend who has a strong personality, which I appreciate and admire. He cares deeply about others, has a charismatic love for Jesus that is expressed in winsome ways with strangers. He really cares if you are headed for hell. Frankly, some of us don't.
Anyway... In my dream, he was unpleasant and disparaging. I was doing dishes, he started criticizing me and I took some breakable cups I was washing and slammed them in the sink shattering them all. As they shatter, my anger reaches an apex and I stormed out of the room running right into my husband. He demands that I go back in and apologize. It is all so unfair, so I woke angry, hot and starving.
Husband made me scrambled eggs with cheese and treats me with his usual kindness. The anger is draining away from a rolling boil to a slow simmer. I thank God every day for a kind man who is patient with my ups and downs.
As I ask God what I need to know about these anger dreams, this one being the second in a couple of weeks, Ephesians 4:26 comes to mind. "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." What a relief to remember that my anger is not sin, it is simply an emotion, albeit a powerful one. The important part is what I do with my anger. Do I hold onto it, help it propel me to conclusions that justify my less than loving thoughts and actions? Or do I deal with it with God, Who knows me through and through? As I read the context and the verses around 26, they add some illumination to these thoughts.
"Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity." Ephesians 4: 25-27 NASB
At the point of anger rising, more and more I must choose to speak truth to my neighbor, who at times may be my enemy. But the timing of speaking truth is critical. I literally cannot respond in the heat of anger, because my words and judgement are clouded to the point of not being able to think straight. Like my dream, something will shatter and be irreparable. But in God's timing, His perfect timing, a response could heal a rift. An untimely response makes things worse. It could stir up more anger giving the devil an opportunity to play in his favorite playground of our pride and self justification when we are angry.
Do you have an angry rift in a relationship, dreams that wake you breathless and a mad that carries you through the day? Be angry, be indignant, be heartbroken but don't carry it. Reach out to God that has wisdom and compassion for you and the injuring party. Maybe you, like me, are the injuring party. You have said hurtful words to someone in anger or disappointment. Again, reach out, talk to God. After all, He sent His Son, Jesus, to an angry world that rejected Him. As God has forgiven us, we can forgive and ask for forgiveness.
I have a task this morning. To speak the truth. I can feel the temperature inside cooling off as I write. Take hope from my little blog that you can turn your wrath into words of healing and calm. Ask God how and when!
"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1
Go gently,
Nancy B
