Being uncertain about the future can translate into worry and anxiety quickly. There is an exponential element in that translation as you get older. In a given situation, I move to worry much faster now than I did as a young woman. Life has taught me many lessons about how situations can move from great to tragic...quickly.
When it comes to family relationships, I am sensitive to my adult children's rejection. It has happened before but not to the painful degree experienced in the last two months. I have lived with uncertainty regarding this relationship before, for many years. But this break feels so final. I was told that they didn't think they could have a relationship with such an unhealthy person.
Since being cut out of their life, I have been reading the Psalms. This has been my prayer for my end of this painful split.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts; And see if there be any hurtful way (way of pain) in me; And lead me in the everlasting way." Psalm 139: 23 & 24
Have I caused this child pain in their life? Absolutely! Perfect parent is an oxymoron. But unhealthy mentally and emotionally? Not now, not anymore. God has been faithful to search out those 'ways of pain' in me. As I have been obedient to listen to Him, receive His love and care for my broken heart, health and healing have been gracious companions.
So what's the problem? Go back to the first paragraph. As I wait in uncertainty for reconciliation, I fight against worry and anxiety. A few weeks ago, I woke up with a nightmare of this child being buried alive. I couldn't save them. The horror of that dream scene stayed with me all day. As I went about my day, I would be overwhelmed with anxiety and worry about their life. In those moments, I would cup my hands in front of me, close my eyes and say out loud, "They are Your child, O Lord, and they always were, always are and always will be. I place them again in Your loving hands."
Casting my cares on the Lord in a demonstrative way diminished the worry over my much loved child in trouble. Do I have peace? It's coming as I receive perfect love that casts out fear. May the following scripture verses bring you peace as you wait.
"Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5: 6 & 7 NASB
"There is no fear in love (dread does not exist); but perfect love (complete, full-grown) drives out fear, because fear involves (the expectation of divine) punishment, so the one who is afraid (of God's judgment) is not perfected in love (has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God's love). We love, because He first loved us." 1 John 4: 18 & 19 AMP
Sunday, July 28, 2019
Monday, July 15, 2019
Psalms 25 Reflection: To Be Ashamed or Not To Be Ashamed
Grantchester is a PBS Masterpiece Mystery series I have enjoyed in the past. A new season started. I enjoy the main character, Sydney: a church of England vicar who helps Jordy, a policeman solve mysteries. Sydney is a study in neurosis and suffers with much shame over his lapses in moral uprightness. He has a beautiful side that serves God and his fellow man, and an ugly side that is a beleaguered sinner. Watching him struggle, while the other characters prop him up or enable his neurosis, was painful. I wanted to smack him and tell him to grow up. And I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would work out. His character exhibited a marked bent to shame. I identify closely.
Shame has pursued me all my life; at times, I let it catch me and have its way. More times than I care to admit. At the root of shame is a lack of identity; not necessarily who you are but Whose you are. If I am God's child and serve His Son Jesus, then either I believe Who He says He is and Who He says I am...or not.
Psalms 25: 1-5
I lift up my soul
I trust
I wait
These are the qualities of the one who is not ashamed but stands confident in God’s love.
In the courts of the kings of old, when you were called into the King's presence, you entered with head down, then dropped to prostrate yourself with nose on the floor. It was an unforgivable affront to the King’s authority and power to lift your head and look at him. If he extended his scepter and bid you to speak, presenting your requests or grievances, then and only then did you lift your head.
Reference Esther 4:11 ESV
“"All the king's servants and the people of the king's provinces know that if any man or woman goes to the king inside the inner court without being called, there is but one law—to be put to death, except the one to whom the king holds out the golden scepter so that he may live. But as for me, I have not been called to come in to the king these thirty days."”
Contrast that with this verse.
“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 NASB
How can our Lord the King be so gracious to us? When we approach His throne of grace with confidence, we don’t strut in, chest out, thinking that we come to Him on our own merits and goodness. And we don't come in crawling and begging like worms! We come confident in the salvation that Jesus purchased for us; our sinful life exchanged for His sinless One.
I know who I am inside with ‘no good thing’ to offer. As I approach His presence, my head is lifted to gaze upon my King Jesus standing beside the Father God. The Spirit is present to convey all the love and longing of the triune Godhead for me! Even though this is an unfathomable mystery, I receive the gift of this lifting of my head. That is my only confidence.
And as He speaks precious words of love into my life, I learn His truth and trust in Him. I also wait for difficult times of shame and unworthiness to be revealed, so He can replace them with truth. Will you lift your head, trust in Jesus and wait for His voice to tell you Whose you are?
Gratitude abounding,
Nancy B
Shame has pursued me all my life; at times, I let it catch me and have its way. More times than I care to admit. At the root of shame is a lack of identity; not necessarily who you are but Whose you are. If I am God's child and serve His Son Jesus, then either I believe Who He says He is and Who He says I am...or not.
Psalms 25: 1-5
"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long."
I trust
I wait
These are the qualities of the one who is not ashamed but stands confident in God’s love.
In the courts of the kings of old, when you were called into the King's presence, you entered with head down, then dropped to prostrate yourself with nose on the floor. It was an unforgivable affront to the King’s authority and power to lift your head and look at him. If he extended his scepter and bid you to speak, presenting your requests or grievances, then and only then did you lift your head.
Reference Esther 4:11 ESV
“"All the king's servants and the people of the king's provinces know that if any man or woman goes to the king inside the inner court without being called, there is but one law—to be put to death, except the one to whom the king holds out the golden scepter so that he may live. But as for me, I have not been called to come in to the king these thirty days."”
Contrast that with this verse.
“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:16 NASB
How can our Lord the King be so gracious to us? When we approach His throne of grace with confidence, we don’t strut in, chest out, thinking that we come to Him on our own merits and goodness. And we don't come in crawling and begging like worms! We come confident in the salvation that Jesus purchased for us; our sinful life exchanged for His sinless One.
I know who I am inside with ‘no good thing’ to offer. As I approach His presence, my head is lifted to gaze upon my King Jesus standing beside the Father God. The Spirit is present to convey all the love and longing of the triune Godhead for me! Even though this is an unfathomable mystery, I receive the gift of this lifting of my head. That is my only confidence.
And as He speaks precious words of love into my life, I learn His truth and trust in Him. I also wait for difficult times of shame and unworthiness to be revealed, so He can replace them with truth. Will you lift your head, trust in Jesus and wait for His voice to tell you Whose you are?
Gratitude abounding,
Nancy B
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
The Olive Press and Olive Oil
"The olive tree was a symbol in ancient Greece and the olive oil was used not only for its valuable nutritional quality but also for medical purposes. The first and foremost Doctor of Medicine, Hippocrates, used the olive oil to cure hundreds of illnesses, as reported in ancient and modern medical texts." a
a - https://www.oliorama.gr/node/183
Olive oil was a valuable commodity during Biblical times for health, anointing, and a symbol of the healing of God. I am thinking about the process involving the olive press and the oil it produces, and comparing that to being in the 'olive press' of difficult circumstances.
When the stone press of ancient times rolled over the already crushed olives, beneficial oil was produced.
There are times when we are already crushed by circumstances then we see the heavy stone coming at us for further pressing.
Am I allowing God's pressing to produce refined healing oil? Or am I fighting God's process, adding in my two cents (or three) that spoils the pureness of His oil?
Another thought: If I am the crushed olive, then the oil is not really for me, is it? It is for others in spite of my crushing. God help me be the oil of joy for someone's spirit of heaviness. Isaiah 61:3
just thinking
nancy b
a - https://www.oliorama.gr/node/183
Olive oil was a valuable commodity during Biblical times for health, anointing, and a symbol of the healing of God. I am thinking about the process involving the olive press and the oil it produces, and comparing that to being in the 'olive press' of difficult circumstances.
When the stone press of ancient times rolled over the already crushed olives, beneficial oil was produced.
There are times when we are already crushed by circumstances then we see the heavy stone coming at us for further pressing.
Am I allowing God's pressing to produce refined healing oil? Or am I fighting God's process, adding in my two cents (or three) that spoils the pureness of His oil?
Another thought: If I am the crushed olive, then the oil is not really for me, is it? It is for others in spite of my crushing. God help me be the oil of joy for someone's spirit of heaviness. Isaiah 61:3
just thinking
nancy b
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)