One Of These Things Is Not Like the Other

One of these things is not like the others
One of these things just doesn't belong
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others
Then you're absolutely...right!

Songwriters: Joe Raposo / Jon Stone. One of These Things lyrics © EMI Music Publishing

My youngest loved Sesame Street growing up.  His older siblings would head off to school.  He had the TV all to himself. One of his favorite Sesame Street segments was 'One of These Things Is Not Like the Others'.  Big Bird had 4 bowls of bird seed.  One of them was different because it was larger.  Four balloons were on the screen but only one was blue and the others were red. Here is a grown-up version of this game.

Self-indulgence          Self-denial        Self-pity           Self-protection        

One the surface all of these look the same because they involve self, different ways we act out our identity.  But take a closer look, boys and girls - One of these things is not like the others!  Did you guess self-denial?  Then you are absolutely...right!

Self-pity is harmful to our self not to mention annoying to others when we play the poor-me card in our circumstances.  Self-indulgence is taught in materialistic America as a good goal in life.  "He who has the most toys, wins."  Self-protection lives in a gray area. This one is tricky.  If someone is hurting me, shouldn't I protect myself?  Protecting myself at all costs is a huge relationship buster.  I enter into adversarial thinking because someone loses and someone wins.  What do I care most about; being right or valuing the worth of another?

But self-denial? Why in the name of all things beautiful, comfortable, yummy and fun should I deny myself the pleasures of this world?  Because Jesus said!

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24

Prior to Jesus telling his disciples this upside-down truth, he dealt with speak-before-I-think Simon Peter.  Peter was rebuking Jesus for telling His disciples he must go to Jerusalem, suffer many things, be killed and raised on the third day. Sounds very altruistic - right?  I had to look altruistic up and it is defined as: unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others (opposed to egoistic). 
Jesus replied to Peter, "For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on things of man." verse 23b. 

To Peter's way of thinking, he was doing the Lord a great service by strongly warning him EVEN THOUGH Jesus had just got done telling them what was going to happen; for His glory and our ultimate good.  But Peter couldn't see ahead that Jesus's horrible road of suffering would turn out for God's glory and our benefit. Peter was acting in unbelief and fear, not faith. Peter was doing what I do in many of my relationships; I try to fix and protect the other party from the consequences of their decisions without regarding God's plan.  Denying myself the right to fix a situation or correct a wrong leaves room for God to work in another's life via His perfect will.  I don't want to circumvent God's perfect work in someone's life to make myself feel better about my ability to help them.  This crosses the line from helping to enabling.  Yes, I end up feeling better about my ability to help but in some relationships, it prolongs the inevitable pain my friend will have to go through, for God's glory and their good. 

At the song's end, that's when you will see which thing is not like the others.

Meditation on Hope

The loss of hope was all over my friend’s face and in her eyes as she talked about the estrangement with her daughter and grandchildren.  As parents of a troubled young woman, they had initiated the tough-love break in relationship and suffered greatly the lost of hope.  Guilt and shame as a ‘bad mother’ who had to separate herself from a family member was crushing her.  As I thought about our brief conversation, this scripture in Romans 5 came to mind. 

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  Romans 5: 1-5 (Emphasis mine)

Our Corgi Jade has been through three owners, one small litter with 2 deformed pups, lyme disease and transition from a large doggy tribe of her kind to a solitary life with two humans.  Doggy tribulation.  But still she hopes.  She hopes in blind faith because of the promises of her master - me.  The promise to care for her to the best of my ability is only on my end; similar to God’s covenant relationship with his people, Israel.  His covenant is held in place by His character and His promises flow out of that character.  As Jade and I enjoy the dance of daily devotion, play, correction, love, and (don’t forget) treats, she comes to trust the promise of good care that flows out of my character.  When I fail my doggy, she still hopes.  

Unlike my dog, my friend’s loss of hope in a future she expected but didn’t experience is a cruel loss.  We hope for a successful and good future for our children and grandchildren.  Sometimes our hope is wrongly based on unrealistic expectations of a ‘happily-ever-after” life.  Sometimes we can attempt to recreate our close family experience or create one very different from the dysfunctional family we grew up in.  When reality doesn’t live up to expectations, suffering happens and we lose hope.

There are many responses to failed expectations.  Some I have experienced are: suffering in silence without reaching out to God while bitterness grows over time.  Another response is trying harder in my own power to make my expectations come true by exerting control over my family to do things my way.  That is the ultimate exercise in futility and unfortunately my favorite!  **face palm**.  Many times hope is lost because we refuse the molding of godly character by the Potter.  The loss of hope during times of suffering can be more devastating than the suffering itself.  When you follow God’s path from suffering to hope by way of building endurance and character, hope never shames or disappoints.     

SUFFERING to ENDURANCE to CHARACTER to HOPE

The hard truth? When you belong to Jesus, He is concerned with building your endurance and character through the hurtful circumstance as much as He is concerned with the answer to your prayers or changing the circumstances to make your life easier. Will you trust Him to develop hope using His path? He will not shame or disappoint you in your suffering.

True Transformation vs Behavior Modification

Recently, the issue of completing a book about relationships has reared its ugly head again.  Nothing spells failure like plotting a course then letting it fizzle.  What's that all about?  Fear; my nasty little friend that stands like a scolding parent reminding me that I am incapable of such a huge task.  I'd have to agree.

Fear brings along several others to join my self-initiated party; anxiety, procrastination, guilt to mention a few.  They aren't dressed well and kinda stink when they enter my head.  But they are always ready to entertain with crushing perversity.  Here is what they whisper.
     "You'll never be good enough."
              "Just quit.  Nobody would be interested to read it anyway."
         "Who do you think you are, Miss Smarty-pants?"
                        "Do it tomorrow, honey, you have plenty of time."
                                                                                 "I told you its not in you to be (fill in the blank)."

I told you they stink.  So why do I give them the space to hold that party from hell in my head?  Fear and her companions feed on the lies I believe about myself.  I've believed them long enough and deeply enough that they become like truth that I act on causing a host of problems in my relationships.

I had a short discussion with a girlfriend about the difference between legalistic behavior modification and God's transforming process through the Truth of His Word.  A large majority of our Christian communities erroneously teach and practice behavior modification in the name of discipleship.  Behavior modification corrects the outside behavior to conform you to a suitable moral standard.   'I don't drink, smoke or cuss or go with girls that do' is the old adage.
Do-this-but-don't-do-that legalism gives you a list of guidelines that seem clear and uncomplicated but don't work to effect lasting change. (Read Matthew 23!)

Here is a word picture that may help.  Behavior modification is like trying to change the color of the leaves by taking them off the tree, painting them different colors by hand, then gluing them back on.  Doing this just masks the problems we deal with and issues we have with others and doesn't get to the root of our issues.  The roots of the tree representing your belief system determine the color, shape, size and health of your leaves, i.e.,behavior.   'Get to the heart/root of the matter', a friend used to tell me.

If you are a follower of Jesus, He clearly teaches change from the inside out, from the roots up.

"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean." Matthew 23:25 & 26
"So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, 'If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'  So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8: 31 & 36

One prayer method to help uncover the lies we believe and hear God's Truth is Transformation Prayer Ministry developed and authored by Dr. Ed Smith and now joined by his son, Joshua.  This life-changing prayer process is another blog for another day.
Take hope that change is possible, lasting change.

Faithfully serving my King by grace,

Nancy

Do you have your Passport?

Passports become critical when we want to 'get outta Dodge'.  They are the vehicle authorizing us to enter another country by auto, board a plane to Spain and climb Mt Kilimanjaro in Africa.  They provide the country of entry authorities with vital information about us; our physical statistics, country of origin and other countries we've visited.  Without them, we stay put in the land of our birth.

Passports aren't automatically issued like a birth certificate.  You apply for them through your country's passport agency.  It can be a lengthy process and costs money.  A picture always is prominent on the first page along with an official looking seal.  And they are colorful.

Basically, possessing a passport gives you the right to travel freely throughout the world.

In life, God gives us a spiritual passport through Jesus Christ.  If you want to change the travel plans of your life and visit other places God has provided for you to travel to, Jesus' sacrifice for your sins is your spiritual passport.  God sent His only begotten Son, Jesus the Christ, to die for you - even when you didn't know you needed this passport.  BTW - this passport gives you an eternal home to travel in after death.

"For God so love the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16 ESV (English Standard Version)

"But to all who did receive him (Jesus), who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God." John 1:12 ESV

The stamp of God's kingdom looks blood red on His passport.  It cost Jesus His Life for our life.  The picture God sees when we hand Him our passport into His heavenly realm looks like Jesus.  By believing that God is Who He says He is and does what He says He'll do through Jesus, we are issued our most important document in life and death.

How do you apply?  Start by reading the gospel of John in the New Testament of the Bible.  Then choose to believe that Jesus died to save you from an unmentionable eternity apart from Him.  If you are a skeptic, read about the father with a demonized child who stated in Mark 9: 22-24, "But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.  And Jesus said to him,  'If you can! All things are possible for one who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe; help my unbelief!'"  (italics mine). God always answers this prayer!

I am excited for all the new spiritual countries you will have access to enter.  One of them I have been visiting with regularity is Grace and Truth land.  The inhabitants; God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit, teach me not only to show grace but to walk in truth.  It can be a confusing culture to learn if you have lived mostly in Grace Land.  Let's see; where else have I been lately?  It's a rocky and barren land called Brokenville.  I always leave there with holes in my shoes but a warm heart at all the others I sojourn with.  I spend a lot of time there.  big sigh.  But I am among friends!  The Son lives in all lands; even the land of death and grief - especially there.

Someday, maybe soon, I will come to my last country called heaven.  "And the city has no need of sun or moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and its lamp is the Lamb (Jesus)." Revelation 18:23 ESV

Thanks for reading.  If you want to take a fascinating journey of faith, you'll need your spiritual passport.  I promise, God promises, you won't regret the miles

...ever.

Nancy

Thoughts out of a dream

January 24, 2017

It’s unusual for me to sleep so late but I was dreaming; complex dreams of a young stranger and her toddler moving in with me.  (Aside: why is it that my husband is absent in so many of my dreams?  Possibly because he is so present in my reality.)  Back to the dream.  I pay attention to the emotion of the dream not the contents.  Seeing this young stranger move herself and her young toddler into my living room, which wasn’t my living room, I felt out of control.  She hadn’t been invited in but was calmly taking over.  So I left the room in resignation that I had lost a part of my home to a stranger.  Loss of control, resignation, abandonment - familiar friends.

What does all this mean?  I could scare up many different spins on the psychology of dreams and interpretations but the importance is not lost on me because of my following thoughts as I woke out of this dream.  

I live with regrets over the less than loving ways I’ve treated my kids.  Some of these occasions were life and death moments when they were in trouble as young adults.  As I woke, these memories attached themselves to my mind like taunting, evil forces that threaten to take me to a places of shame and condemnation.  Who needs more shame and condemnation over things in their past they can’t change?  I sure don’t, do you?  So I battle the demons by asking for God’s gracious presence, agreeing once again with my heavenly Father that I did not do things well as a parent, and rejecting the lies that I am an awful mom.  Then I ask Him what I need to know about these memories.  They include emergency room, overdose, middle-of-the-night, out of state phone call memories; serious stuff. 

“Mrs. Hise, I am Doctor So-and-so from Never-Been-There hospital.  We found your number in your child’s possessions.  They are currently on life support because of an overdose.  What do you want us to do in case…?”

“Well, …uh, Doctor, we have not been in contact with our child for years and weren’t even aware they were in that area of the country.”

I can hear the incredulity of the Doctor as he realized we have not had contact with our child for years, his frustration of having to make another phone call, and the disgust that I must be the worst parent in the world to ‘abandon’ my child to their fate in the emergency room.  

That's just one of many instances that flash through my half-awake mind; one of many that rapidly rotate through as I rise to start my day.  I battle the feelings of defeat and dread and what-if this would have happened and what-if that would have happened.  This barrage of memories becomes an exercise in futility because I can’t change a damn thing.  And all of this I just described happened within a few minutes.  

As I sipped my first cup of coffee like saving grace, some thoughts occurred to me about these failures. 

“Hey wait a minute, I didn’t know about some of these critical situations until they were safely in the hospital under doctors care.  And, really, they didn’t call us but someone else did.  They never asked us to come and be with them.  We offered in some cases but it was after the fact and they said don’t come.”

“And remember the times we were there for them.  And yes…there were many more of those than the times we were not there.”

“Also, if mom and dad would have rescued them from each and every one, that’s not healthy for them or us.  The name for that is Enablement which is the parent to a snotty child named, Entitlement.”

Fighting back, I threw this one down. “Hey, devil, just listen to this!  My God Provider, Jehovah Jireh, is true to His Word.

 “For thus says the Lord GOD, "Behold, I Myself will search for My sheep and seek them out.” Ezekiel 34:11

Okay, okay…getting some perspective on this attack of painful memories.  So what the heck does this have to do with my dream?  Just this, my regrets are like that stranger bringing her toddler into my home to live without my permission.  If I don’t want them to move in and I didn’t ask them to move in, I say so.  When the future holds a rehearsal of my failures, then I can decline attendance.  My own rehearsal of God’s goodness, faithfulness and love is far more life-giving than watching a performance of Shame and Condemnation!!

What do I do with the truth-based sadness of not being available to my child when I should have?  This can be given to the Lord to carry this sadness over the times we have failed as parents.

Lord God, Abba, we give you our sadness over the failures with our children and ask You to carry them as you promised.

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you.  Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30 (emphasis mine)

Dear beleaguered Parents,

He is the Faithful One and will carry our failures when we open our hands and lift the sadness and burden to Him, once again.  Praying for you, dear reader!

Nancy